


Cthulhu Rises, Boy Does He Ever

by AnonEhouse



Category: Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft
Genre: Crack, Horror, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:10:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the International Month of Porn challenge in 2009 I sometimes went a little far afield. Thinking of a new porn a day is hard. ERM... you know.</p><p>So, Giant Evil Alien Elder God Squid Group Rape-Orgy ahoy.</p><p>*NOTE* If you want to be really horrified, google about squid sperm. It's really, really scary. I didn't put any details in the fic, but if someone shouts 'SQUID SPERM', get as far away as you can, as fast as you can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cthulhu Rises, Boy Does He Ever

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Great Cthulhu awakes!" The madman screamed and flung himself into the depths of the steaming ocean surrounding the newly risen volcanic island.

Everyone else was busy trying to save their lives and families and possessions, so they didn't notice at first. Not until a huge slimy tentacle descended from the sky with the madman's twitching body held in it. The man's face was twisted in a rictus of unholy glee.

"Cthulhu rises from R'lyeh! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" he screamed and then went limp.

"No, actually," the huge squidlike head said, in an upper-crust British accent, "That's past-tense, my dear boy. I waited dreaming in my house. Now I've come to eat mankind." Huge liquid black eyes rolled as Cthulhu gazed at the hypnotically frozen crowd. "The women and children can go. I only eat men." Gratefully, the women snatched up their young ones and fled.

"That's not what the legend says," a burly, fearless, and very stupid, man said, while staring up at the slick gray writhing oozing mass of Elder God.

Cthulhu sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have hired that idiot to write press releases. He got it all cock-eyed. All right, unzip, boys. I've come to eat you all." Thousands of tentacles descended, sucker mouths salivating.

From the top of a nearby hill, a young woman with binoculars looked down at the men swarming all over Cthulhu's mass. "They're fighting! I can see each man struggling with a tentacle!"

An old woman borrowed the binoculars and shook her head. She muttered, "It looks more like they're trying to pull the tentacles closer."

"Well, so long as they kill the monster, I don't care how they do it."

There was a gigantic roar of sound and then an explosion of huge white packets shot from Cthulhu into the air. The old woman who'd been a deep-sea fisher all her life screamed in horror, "Squid sperm! Run for your life!"


End file.
